still mean after all these years

I am nowhere near the first person to ponder the question: what happens to the Mean Girl when she grows up?  And I don't have an answer in general...but I know what happened to one of them.

She grew up and bought a house and had a beautiful child.  She got a great job doing exactly what she wanted.  And she stayed mean.

I ran into a Mean Girl from my past last night.  The trend is that I randomly run into her every couple of years.  I didn't know her as a teenager or a child.  We met as young adults at a venue where a group of us spent part of every day together.  And she had friends and people liked her.  She was funny.  She was brash.  She was biting.  And everyone took turns being bitten.  And everyone tolerated it.

And last night she was still biting.  Finding a way to insult through a "joke".  There was no one around to laugh at her witty comment.  There was no one but me and I was the one she was poking.  And when I didn't react she poked some more.  In the past I always assumed she could behave that way because people let her.  And last night I realized that there was a reason she developed those habits in the first place.  She was sitting there and I could see how little she liked herself.  That it didn't matter what a fantastic athlete she is or how smart she is or that she does good work as a lawyer serving the public.  The only tool she has for feeling good is to cut other people down.

What a great reminder for me as a parent that part of my job is to actively teach my children that loving yourself is a state of mind that exists beyond any circumstance.  It is a skill you have to practice to learn.  

I feel sad for her.  

Sad enough to never let her bite me again.