Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Game Playing

Picture a sobbing 8 year old boy. Sick with strep and a fever. Head thrown back, wailing. Tonsils bulging. Reddened eyes watering. Reddened nose running.

Mama: "Baby, what's wrong?"

Little C: "Miss M cheated on me!!"

Mama: "Is she seeing another brother?"

Little C: "What? No. We were playing a guessing game and she cheated!"

Mama: "It's all a guessing game, baby."

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

might have Earned My Stripes with this one

So, this title thing I have given myself? Alpha? If you look back far enough on here you'll see it really is only about my familial rank and not about comparing myself to other mothers. That might change as of this week.

This week I have stumbled upon perhaps my most brilliant parenting maneuver of all time. It leaves the bald-spot incident in the dust. What? Didn't I tell you that one? Well...here it is. Little C purposefully stuck his gum in Big C's hair recently. It was so smashed in there I had to cut it out. THEN I cut a matching bald spot in Little C's hair just to make sure everything was "equal" which is what they were arguing about in the first place. Sharp, huh?

But this week? This week I have invented a move. Like gymnasts get flippy, twisty things named after them, I think this one should be named after me: The Alpha Monkey. Its brilliance rests on the fact that the only counter-maneuver would be to deny their inner desire to be the boss of other people. An ability few children possess.

It works like this. You need your child to do something, say...get ready for bed and the multiple step in involves. If you say, "Go get ready for bed," they will end up playing green army men under their bed. If you say, "Get your jammies on, go potty, brush teeth, and wash your face," they will end up playing green army men under their bed in their underpants.

BUT....

If you say, "You get to be the boss of all the kids, how would you tell them to get ready for bed?" I can almost guarantee they will give you a fairly thorough list. Then tell them to go do it. They clearly know what is expected. They can no longer say, "I know I have been brushing my teeth since I first got them, but I did not know you meant to brush them tonight as well." Or, one of my favorites, "I did brush them....(intervening tooth check)....no, not tonight. Did you mean tonight? I meant that, technically, I have brushed them many, many times in the past. You did use the past tense, mom."

It could apply to homework as well: "What homework did your teacher give to the other kids in class today?" Then there is her list for today as well.

"How much time should it take the average kid to eat two waffles?"

"If you were a detective how would you figure out who wrote your name, in your handwriting, all over your brother's bunk bed?"

"If your brother told a lie to your mother what should his punishment be?"

Try an Alpha Monkey this weekend. Let me know how it goes.