do I hear one dollah?

Miss M has an investment opportunity for you.  She is looking at the price of copper rising.  She is predicting that it will continue to rise AND hoping that you see it too.   

She is selling (I am not kidding you, folks) copper discs for only one dollar.  That's right, for the low-low-cost of only one dollar you can have a copper disc whose value may hover around 1 cent today, but who knows what this Lincoln-embossed copper disc will be worth next week, next month, next year.  

There are a limited number of these copper discs available today.  Don't delay.  Act fast.  Call now and the shipping is free.  You heard me, FREE!

Bitty Ballerinas are the Best

Miss M's ballet was this evening.  She was stunning and graceful when she danced.  She was poised and perfectly clear when she narrated.  Wow, chica.  Tears.  Really.  In both my eyes.  It feels like yesterday when YOU were the tiny little one in the production. 

I helped with costumes for the event and have to share something with you all.  The tiny little girls got in front of mirrors and admired themselves.  The big girls got all self-critical.  I was in the green room with the older dancers listening to them all pick on themselves and I had enough.  It played out something like this:

Mama: Hold on there, ladies.  DO you know what the little fundies (fundamental level dancers) say when they look in the mirror?

Girls: Huh?  What?

Mama: Those girls check themselves out and say "Damn, I look good."

Girls: [laughter]

Mama: They elbow each other for a better view.  "I am pretty," they say.  "This looks so great on me," they reply.

Girls: [silence]

Mama: You all need to see yourselves that way again.  You are all beautiful and amazing and damn, you look good.

Girls: [nervous laughter]

And they are.  And they should.  And so should you.

 

A Propensity for Multiple...

...posts?  Can only mean one thing: procrastination!

More Than You Want to Know About Me

Usually my OCD manifests itself in counting patterns, counting dimensions on frames and cabinet doors in multiples of 4.  Often I count the pieces of fabric it took to construct a garment.  So if we are ever talking face-to-face and I appear completely absorbed in the story about the time your Great-Aunt Gertrude slept with Bonnie and Clyde at a brothel in Santa Banana...it is all an illusion.  I am counting the number of colors in your eye balls over and over and over...thus the compulsive aspect of my little condition.  Right is 15, left is 14.  Did you know that?  How can you stand being so NOT symmetrical?

My Dearest Dr. Fancypants and I frequently lament the extreme injustice of suffering with an Obsession and a Compulsion that really do not get us anywhere in the world.  It does not interfere with my daily life...unless you count the counting the lines on the road parallel to the direction I am travelling in the car which has me missing turns every once in a while.  Only being able to chew my gum between connecting lines perpendicular to the direction I am driving is harmless.  I LOVE buried fiber optic cable--no telephone poles to line up across a road.  Whew.  

But why can't I have the kind of OCD that leaves me with a spotlessly clean house or an empty laundry room?  Nope.  I am stuck tapping my teeth in the right rhythm to the point of wearing off the enamel.  

Wolfie, baby!

Mr. Joop,

Runway models are not sexy.  They are hangers.  And they do not qualify as Avant Garde when they all look like the same hanger.  Where is the boundary to push anymore?  Wouldn't it be MORE Avant Garde to put a woman on the runway who HAS breasts as this would contradict the accepted norm?  

IS Heidi commercial?  Yes.  Human too.  Unique.  And smart and funny and sexy.

But you seem to be a bit of a cliche, no?

still mean after all these years

I am nowhere near the first person to ponder the question: what happens to the Mean Girl when she grows up?  And I don't have an answer in general...but I know what happened to one of them.

She grew up and bought a house and had a beautiful child.  She got a great job doing exactly what she wanted.  And she stayed mean.

I ran into a Mean Girl from my past last night.  The trend is that I randomly run into her every couple of years.  I didn't know her as a teenager or a child.  We met as young adults at a venue where a group of us spent part of every day together.  And she had friends and people liked her.  She was funny.  She was brash.  She was biting.  And everyone took turns being bitten.  And everyone tolerated it.

And last night she was still biting.  Finding a way to insult through a "joke".  There was no one around to laugh at her witty comment.  There was no one but me and I was the one she was poking.  And when I didn't react she poked some more.  In the past I always assumed she could behave that way because people let her.  And last night I realized that there was a reason she developed those habits in the first place.  She was sitting there and I could see how little she liked herself.  That it didn't matter what a fantastic athlete she is or how smart she is or that she does good work as a lawyer serving the public.  The only tool she has for feeling good is to cut other people down.

What a great reminder for me as a parent that part of my job is to actively teach my children that loving yourself is a state of mind that exists beyond any circumstance.  It is a skill you have to practice to learn.  

I feel sad for her.  

Sad enough to never let her bite me again.

a little help?

We are just in the very beginning stages of planning a vacation home.  The lake lot is covered, but what to put on it?  And what does it say about me that I am starting my thoughts in the laundry room?  I think it says a second place has to be bullet-proof, easy to clean, and very well organized.  Let's be honest.  I don't clean the house I already have.  

I think I can eliminate closets and dressers completely with some careful planning.  I want a big laundry room with space for folding and sorting and....get this...putting away clothes.  I want an IKEA wardrobe for each of us and one or two more for guests.  Another one for house linens.  Another one for beach towels.  I want them all in one place, right in the laundry.  I also think there should be a 3/4 bath in there and a couple of changing stalls like lovely dressing rooms without the harsh lights and mirrored walls.  That way all of the mess gets left in the laundry and it is easier to tidy at the end of the weekend.  Stuff gets hauled right in there at the beginning of the weekend and put away (I hate living out of a suitcase).  Then washed stuff gets folded and put away right there or packaged up to return to civilization.

I have been fantasizing about my perfect laundry center for years.  Because I have this mental picture of a perfect space that functions seamlessly I am now having a bit of a problem.  I am sure there are drawbacks to the plan.  The biggest one is what if several people want to get ready all at once?  Solution: grab the stuff you need and go to another room.  But are there any other things wrong with my tidy Valhalla that your eyes can help me to see?

suburban mommy wants to know...

Ok.  Perhaps I am culturally illiterate.  Maybe just insensitive.  But I simply do not understand the wearing the pants under the butt cheeks thing AT ALL.  I am not a prude.  It is not a modesty thing.  Unless your bits and bobs are exposed I say anything goes as long as you are comfortable wearing it.  

And maybe that is it.  Maybe it is a display of confidence that says: "I am the sh*t.  I am so the sh*t that I don't care if you all can see my sh*t."  

But boys...you swaggering, handsome, young men...I don't want to see your dirty laundry.  I don't think the demographic of young ladies you are trying to impress want to see your dingy stained things either.  If you are going to take the step and make the statement then wash the skivs, and replace them when they start to look beyond their freshness date.

I am sure that I am on my soap box today because school is out and I was in the city getting sashimi grade ahi for dinner.  The weather is nice for February.  So nice that large men are wearing shorts and slip-on shoes and teenage boys are not wearing coats.  I was treated to many pairs of fat, pale calves (think Batali) and  skinny butt cheeks (not on the same individual!) in worn thin unders.  It is not that warm!  Not quite 40F.  I am feeling confused and in my confusion feeling tempted to start some unflattering rumors about the practice.  I think they should know that they are shuffling around looking like they have just been sodomized.  The low-pants boys, not the winter-shorts guys.  (Who, by the way, if they had a metabolism high enough to keep themselves warm enough to wear shorts at 40 degrees would not be that large to begin with.  My theory is they can get shorts roomy and comfortable without having to get them hemmed.  XXL waists are not easy to find with a 28 inch inseam.)

I didn't see the movie, but I read The Kite Runner.  I have seen prison documentaries on cable and know that I am not far off the mark.  What would it take for you beautiful boys to pull up your pants?  You must at least suspect that it makes you look like the bottom or the catcher or the bi*ch or whatever you want to call it.  And not by choice, either.  All the boys I know that choose that lifestyle are tidy and well-dressed.

the words I know, the tune I hum...

Whenever I hear the song Tiny Dancer by Elton John I like to pretend he is singing Tony Danza.  Like Elton had a crush on Tony from his Taxi days.  Like he was imagining Tony counting the headlights on the highway on his way home to Elton who had freshly pressed the linen sheets, knowing that his taxi driver man had a busy day.  Even better to picture Elton dressed like Donna Reed.

Hold me closer, Tony Danza.

See, now you can live in my head a little.  Enjoy.

Advice for the teenage girl

I have done it again.  I have volunteered for a huge project.  I am making the costumes for the ballet that Miss M is in in a few weeks.  It is going smoothly, but costumes for about 40 dancers takes time.  Even when most of them are tiny.

Some of them are for the older dancers.  Part of what I did after planning the costumes with the director was to measure and ask the girls for their opinions on one of two options for the gown.  And here is what I recognized:

Teenage girls are afraid to give an opinion that differs from the group.  Here were 5 confident, talented, beautiful girls and as soon as I asked which style dress they preferred they said nothing.  It was not that they didn't like either option, they just didn't want to raise their right hand if everyone else might be inclined to raise their left.  I am sure I lived through that when I was a teenager.  I don't remember it very clearly.  But I think that is because it is hard to see when you are living it, all anxious and wanting to fit in.  As an adult looking in, however, it was like someone lit a narrow spot light on a darkened stage and then suddenly spun it to the audience and blinded me!

Accept that this is a phase we all grow through.  My hope for my own daughter is that her time in such a setting is short lived.  And my advice is this girls: if you are the first one to speak in that situation you will be right.  Yours will be the opinion they all adopt.  Because it is not about preferences at that point.  If there were any strong preferences there would not be this stand-still.  It is about not being different.  In a way, you will be easing the tension because they can all stop fretting over the choices and just agree with you.  Set the trend, ladies.  

Book Quote

I finally talked Miss M into reading Jane Eyre.  I love that book.  I love the classic orphan tale mixed with some gothic mystery with themes of home and redemption and rebirth.  But after her great sadness over Beth's death in Little Women Miss M is still not quite sure she trusts me (it has only been 2 years!).

It turns out she is really enjoying it.  Miss M has also enjoyed finding the quotes throughout the book from my 3x5s.  What?  You don't keep 3x5 note cards tucked into books scribbled all over with quotes and page numbers from the book?  Well you should.  Not every book gets one.  Some books, like Jane Eyre, get more than one.  My very favorite quote and now also Miss M's motto:

"She soon forgot her little freaks and became obedient and teachable."

...or at least willing to read her mother's book selections!

Typical Sunday morning

Moose got up with the kids today and started breakfast while they watched a couple of cartoons.  When it was time to eat Moose announced, "Belgian Waffles!"  Which the kids quickly turned into "Belching Waffles" complete with sound effects.

I fear the nice Sunday Brunch Buffet we occasionally attend will never be the same.  

How have I never read this book?

Dr. Fancypants gave me a copy of Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt.  I know it was a movie several years ago.  I did not see it either.

I love children's literature.  I love a simple story told truthfully and beautifully.  I like characters who get into trouble.  I melt into the pages of a skilled writer.  Just listen to this:

"Closing the gate on her oldest fears as she had closed the gate on her own fenced yard, she discovered the wings she'd always wished she had.  And all at once she was elated.  Where were the terrors she'd been told she should expect?   She could not recognize them anywhere.  The sweet earth opened out its wide four corners to her like the petals of a flower ready to be picked, and it shimmered with light and possibility till she was dizzy with it."

Thank you, Dr. Fancypants.

 

I am at a loss

Anyone who really knows me knows that I LOVE Ella and Sarah and Etta and Billie and Eartha.  And I mean no disrespect to you Ms. James, but sweetheart you should filter your comments to the press through your son.

I am not so interested in her recent comments as I am fascinated by the comments posted online about her comments.  My favorite one of all was someone ranting about how Beyonce behaved like a porn star on stage during the inauguration and that Etta is a better role model for our children.  WTF?  Decades of heroin addiction, multiple marriages, a tendency to run off a bit at the mouth, a legendary pain to work with...Etta James' past behavior rivals the Brittneys and Lindseys of our time.  And that Diva did it the old fashioned way without a MySpace page or video cameras peeking around every corner.

But it makes me think of the whole "role model" thing people get so freaked out about.  Like the whole thing with Michael Phelps right now.  Being a flawed person or making a poor choice makes you no less a talent.  How about we stop holding up strangers as examples for our children?  How about we decide to parent them by being the best examples we can be for them.  Phelps is a great opportunity to discuss drugs with our kids.  He is a model swimmer--not a role model.  We might even consider having a conversation with our children about the flawed moral reasoning involved in choosing a role model based on income, PR, and ad campaigns.  The only person who has a right to feel betrayed by Michael's behavior is his mother.  And maybe his publicist who will be loosing tons of money...but of course he made tons of money off of him already so that one kind of balances out don't you think?

My favorite is when each new Disney star is held up as the best thing ever and then eventually "falls" and everyone acts all shocked and betrayed.  Miley Cyrus is a child!  You don't get to be a role model by being on TV.  You are simply a TV star.  What put you in the position of being looked at as a role model are the parents who buy their kid everything with your name on it in the first place.

But I am still laughing out loud about Etta James serving as a role model in any capacity other than as a phenomenal vocal talent.  Now, Eartha Kitt, that Woman deserves to be looked at as a role model.  She suffered professionally and personally when she took an anti-war stance during the Vietnam War.  She had a very difficult childhood and rose up from it rather than being dragged down by it.  She was unapologetic for standing up for what she knew to be right.  She saw the issue of same-sex marriages as a matter of Civil Rights that should be afforded to everyone.  She also saw the arts as a way to help young people overcome a hard situation and looked to education and beauty as a means to both inspire children to be more and give them the tools to get there.  What a loss this past Christmas day when she passed.

Olly Has a Bath

Apparently all of his fluff is just a disguise. Underneath it all he is a scrawny hound. Nice cover, in a witness protection program kind of way. Highly effective. So effective, in fact, that the kids were laughing and asking who the skinny dog in the shower was. (I was in no way offended, as there was no chance they meant me!)

The following are in chronological order. Thanks to Miss M for the shower shots, since I was in my swimsuit and as soggy and dejected looking as the dog at the time!

I'm all out of capers

I am afraid I haven't had an Organic Wild Caper in years.  

They have ben more structured and tame and not so...Caperish.  Hardly even adventures, really.