Thursday, March 11, 2010

Welcome Honky!

Someday, I'd like to live in your world. The one where no one drives in front of you. The world where lines only ever form behind you. Because, I gotta tell you, I am kind of getting tired of being patient. Leaving my house early enough to get where I am going at the appointed time is sort of grating on my nerves. You probably don't understand that, never having experienced it yourself.

How frustrating it must have been for you this morning to have woken up in this world. Frightening, even. I can only imagine how irritating you must find it to have to stop at those red octagons and have minivans driving safely in front of you. You poor, poor thing.

Some advice: yelling and waving your hands might not be the best coping strategy for handling this new, and hopefully temporary, stress of driving on streets that don't automatically empty when you roll through. I could not hear you. Your voice does not project directly into my head in this universe so I was struggling with following your pantomimed directions. May I suggest setting down the phone and breathing? Perhaps some herbal tea. That giant, convenience store coffee is not going to help.

I have to say, I admire your boldness. If I woke up in a parallel universe, drinking crappy coffee, where things did not just fall in place for me I don't know if I would be strong enough to get out of bed. The confusion and unfamiliarity with ease would be too much for me.

May I offer some advice? You know, just to help you get through until you get whisked back into your own dimension.

Stop at red things.

You can go as fast as the car in front of you and no faster.

I have never known honking to produce the desired effect (did you notice me slow down?) so lay off the beeper.

Take turns.

Be nice.

I suggest starting there. Wouldn't want to overwhelm you on your first day in town. I suspect we'll meet up again later at the bank or maybe even at the grocery store. Take it easy with that cart. Let's say we review your progress then and see if we can't find a way to help you get home again.

Until then...good luck!
-Alpha

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Dam you make me laugh. I love the spin you put on it. My nerves are so frazzeled with ignorants that I might have honked back. Maybe in song. Another bites the dust - I think.

I just noticed that I am signed in as Nate - please disregard - tis I your lovely cousin.