Oxymoron in Action

(Also known as irony.)

Two things struck me as ironic this morning.

The second was the classic guy getting out of his car at the community center, sucking down the last of his cigarette and tossing his fast food wrappers on the ground before he goes in to work out. You know, for his health. But it's better than nothing, right?

The first episode, I will tell you in advance, ended well. By well I mean that the child involved was the only one crying and no one was hurt. I have to tell you that first because it involves a pre-schooler, a busy dad, and screeching breaks. It is set in the school parking lot. And walking into a story like that can make many people a little edgy from the get-go. I debated ruining the ending by eliminating the element of suspense. But since most of the people I know that read this are parents (or children), I thought it wise to forgo style for ease of mind. You're welcome.

There is a preschool program housed in our school. This morning I was walking back to my car as a dad was bringing his three year old to school via the approved cross-walk. He appeared hurried while his child was dawdling. And to teach his son a lesson he let go of his hand (see why I warned you?) and walked more quickly. This cross-walk divides the parking half of the lot from the drop-off lanes on one side and the thruway to the teachers lot on the other. (Don't even bother trying to figure that out. It is the WORST designed parking lot I have ever come across. And that's no hyperbole.) So the dad yells back over his shoulder for his son to hurry up. Now, I realize I have not introduced you to the protagonist yet. But I thought since I already gave away the ending I should hold something else back. But here you go: a bespectacled little guy who was trying very hard to ONLY step on the yellow parts and ALWAYS land four steps on each section. I know. I wanted to put him in my pocket. He is my kind of kid. So the dad again yells over his shoulder to hurry up so he doesn't get hit by a car. You know that scene in The Lion King Part One and a Half where Timon is on guard duty and he is doing his best Scurry, Sniff, Flinch!? Well, our google-eyed hero did a Sniff, Flinch, Scurry! And turned, in his parentally-induced panic, and scurried away from one car and right at the bumper of a moving car. (Again--you're welcome.) Brakes squealed. Mothers squealed. And his father grabbed him and yelled at the driver. Which is the ironic part. Because if he hadn't yelled at his child in the first place that kid would never have left the crosswalk. Trust me. It's an OCD thing.