Hey, Buck-o...

I am ok with you coming up in our yard to eat the crab apples. Truly. And it is a very impressive sight to drive home and see you standing there, all majestic, on my hill with your massive antlers. But the rutting part? Can you take that across the street to the empty lot, please? You see...how do I put this delicately...whatever the hell you spray in the holes you are scratching makes me retch. And my dogs are rolling in your muskiness which means my house has a faint odor of Randy White Tailed Deer this week. (Insert retching noises.) I find this unacceptable. In an effort to work with you on the matter, I am raking up all of the crab apples today and putting them in the empty lot. Your compliance would be appreciated. Shall we review your progress, say...a week after the Autumnal Equinox? It's on my calendar.