Much Distress

These are called "Skinny Boyfriend Jeans." I won't even tell you where I found the picture because it does not matter. These are turning up all over the place. Boyfriend Jeans my booty!! The only way that size 0-1 model is wearing her boyfriend's jeans is one of the following:

1. Her boyfriend is a skinny 12 year old. Which is only ok if the model is a skinny 12 year old as well.

2. She keeps her "boyfriend" locked up in a basement somewhere where she feeds him a diet of prunes and raisins stewed in Yerba Mate while forcing him to wear tiny pants so she can sandblast them juuuust right (while he's still in them)!

3. Trying to combine two hot sellers, marketers lost sight of the best part of wearing guys jeans. And that is the fact that you can do anything in them: bend over to tie your shoes, chase your kids, sit in a chair, breathe. None of which are possible in a low-rise skinny jean.

My first pair of boyfriend jeans came to me circa 1987. We were not dating, but he was a good friend. And a tangled mess of WWF moves between a dozen or so teenagers in his basement left me half a leg short of a pair on a cold, winter night.

I'll explain...It was a time when I was experimenting with the idea of a torn out knee in a pair of button fly, faded Guess jeans. Keep in mind that a few years prior I also wore the first pair of black leggings my Middle School had ever seen. I liked to think of myself, while not actually on the edge, close enough to spit over it after a glass of orange juice. And then at Rob's house on a Saturday night some All-Star Wrestling broke out. Someone grabbed the hole in my knee and the whole thing came right off from the knee down. Rob, being quite a gentleman for a 15 year old, gave me a pair he no longer wore to get me home. Told me to keep them, even.

I didn't even miss the ruined pair. These were well-worn, classic Levi's. Oh...the best pants I ever wore. I am sad right now missing those pants. Girls used to beg me to borrow them. Really. I wore them all through high school and college. I patched the rear, stitched a pocket back on, and could count my thigh freckles right through their thinness by the time I retired them. I'll try to find you all a picture. I'm sure there are several, as I wore them all the time. Hell, I could probably dig up the actual Levi's in my house somewhere. There's little chance I would ever have throw them away.

These days I have a pair of Joe's Jeans in the Ex-Lover cut. They went to all the trouble of breaking them in for me, just like Rob did. But it's not the same. Nothing could ever come close to an authentic, time- and boy-worn pair.