Safety Warning

In all fairness, I ought to make you aware of something. You know, so we don't get 3 years into this and you suddenly realize I'm not the blogger you thought I was. You'll ditch me and run back to Alice Bradley. Ok, that's not true. She's much too busy to blog much anymore so I doubt you'll find her distance very satisfying. Though, I have to tell you, she and I have had a multi-email exchange (name dropping, yes) and she seems like a genuinely nice person. Like the kind of person that would tell you something at dinner and then blog the same thing about you later. Unlike some other people who would have a conversation with you and then you read about it on their blog where they wrote about all the things they were thinking about you during dinner but never said. Bitches. (No, wait. That's me. Not Bitches, then. Amusingly Snarky we'll call it.)

Ok. Confession: I can read naughty into almost anything. Like my new hair curler thing. It is called a 3-Barrel Jumbo Waver. Which sounds like the kind of adult novelty item that would make even my jaw drop in disbelief. Theoretically, I can only figure out what to do with 2/3 of the barrels. It doesn't help that the back says, "Larger Barrels, Faster Results." But I don't think I am the only one confused because there are more safety warnings on this thing than a b-b gun. Including: "Caution THIS PRODUCT CAN BURN EYES." Eyes, really? It is 5" long and 4" wide. But you know (as Julia from Safety Graphic Fun would say) in order for that sign to be there, someone tried to curl their lashes with it.

But what's really bad about this behavior of mine is that it is contagious. You'll start by rolling your eyes when I giggle, and soon you'll find yourself anticipating. It is just a short spiral down to participating. And then there is no controlling it. It will show up in the most unlikely conversations. Soon you'll resent me for ruining tea with the vicar. It's only a matter of time.