Me? I'm not buying it.

So...Jeremy London. One of the steadiest working actors I have never heard of by the looks of his IMDB page.

I am sorry, but if you are buying his "news story" about the kidnapping and forced drugging, I know a guy looking for a fourth wife. Let me know if you are interested in the "sincere liar" type.

My guess...dropping X with a cross-dressing hooker and he just lost track of time. It is, statistically speaking, far more likely than being kidnapped off the road while changing a tire and having illicit drugs forced into your system and then just being sent home a day later. Maybe I am stereotyping here, but the kind of guys who have enough drugs to generously share like that usually have more than enough D-list actors hanging around them. No need to grab one off the curb.

review part II

Miss M: Hey Mama! I have good news...the new neighbors were outside playing frisbee! That is a big relief.

Mama: ?

Miss M: I am just glad they weren't moving in a bunch of video game stuff. I think I might like them.

Reviews are In!!!

I have been listening to some of my formerly-favorite music today. Let's call it the next phase in a small, longitudinal study. Turns out some of those Oldies are not such Goodies.

Anyone else remember Limited Edition? No? Didn't think so.

And even older...The Jets are another band that did not stand the test of time. Let's be honest, they barely stood their own local niche. Not only does this age me, but it geographically places my high school as well.

Annabella? No one? Her cover of "Fever" lead me to Nina Simone and then Miss Ella. Sometimes it is the trials in life that bring us salvation, no? Plus, I am thinking this cassette tape is a real collector's item. Like an unintentional limited edition.

Stellar Moment in Parenting

So...maybe I would handle this situation differently next time.

We had guests over for dinner this evening and their kids were in the yard playing with our kids. At one point Little C came running in with some serious tattling to do:

Little C: Um, just so all of you grown ups know...Miss E (the 5 year old visiting) just called all of us "freakin' losers."

Mama: (trying to spare the guest a bit of embarrassment) Well, did you stop to consider that you might be?

Things I Learned the Hard Way

May you all benefit from it:

Locksmiths can run red lights in emergencies. Really! Like when you lock a 3 month old, sleeping infant and her diaper bag in the minivan on a sunny day. (No, the keys were not in the diaper bag. They were under the baby in the car seat.)

If you ever have a moderate allergic reaction to something and decide you don't want to bother anyone by asking for a ride to the ER...know that you will piss off everyone when they find out you didn't call them. Especially the nurses. Call for a ride when your mouth starts going numb and your eyeballs itch but before you start gagging. Also...this is what an ambulance is for. They like their jobs. Let them do it.

Emergency Rooms will rush you past check in if you say "bee sting" and your eyes are red, puffy and oozing, you can't stop coughing, and your neck is raw from scratching at it. They will rush you in a wheelchair even.

(You also get good service when you arrive with a kid on immune suppressants who needs stitches during flu season. No waiting room full of coughing, crying, nose wipers for you!)

little C at his finest

It wasn't me! It was a dog! Mama, dog farts don't make noise. It's because they don't have cracks or cheeks to make the noise part. They just have holes. So if it is quiet, you know it is a dog.

Oops.

Excuse me.

Motorcycle Safety?

It is biker season around here. Since it is kind of a short one, due to weather, everyone with a motorcycle rides them as much as possible. They are kind of like peaches that way, I guess. Enjoy them while they last because they won't last long. I have been seeing many more reminders around town to "Start Seeing Motorcycles." Not a bad sentiment. It is good to be reminded that there is a seasonal element on the road right now. Kind of like ice and snow the rest of the year.

And I don't have trouble seeing the bikers that follow the traffic laws. Really. When a motorcycle moves in a predictable pattern along WITH the rest of traffic I have to believe that those of us on four wheels are better able to contribute to their safety on the road. Happy to help, really.

But I do have trouble with those riders who insist on speeding and performing random, radical lane changes willy-nilly. Yes, I said willy-nilly.

I have seen the fresh aftermath of two fatal motorcycle accidents in the last couple of years. And one of them, Moose and I saw the driving behavior that preceded the accident.

Willy-nilly on crack.

Turns out he was a middle-aged husband and father out at dusk on a well-travelled rural road. He was zipping around cars (easily 80 to 90 mph in a 55 zone), driving in the oncoming lane, racing past on the shoulder, and flipping off anyone who was obeying the speed limit. Shortly after he passed us, finger-a-flying, he turned onto a highway where he met another car. This one was, like us, filled with a family.

Unfortunately, his unpredictable and erratic behavior didn't land him that coveted 6 feet in front of the next car this time. It spread him thin across two lanes and landed what they could scoop up off the road 6 feet under.

We spotted his helmet, which had been sitting on the seat behind him, roughly 75 yards down the road. A little scratched up, but in one piece.

I was reminded of this just this morning on my gentle drive home from the garden center. My radio was off. I was not drinking coffee. Wasn't giving a practice spelling quiz to a kid in the backseat. I had both hands on the wheel and the windows down. Traffic was moving at the posted speed since there are several stoplights on this divided, 4 lane highway. And then Willy came along on his crotch-rocket. Wearing jeans and a t-shirt with the wind freely whipping through his light brown hair. He was hunched down, leaning forward, low and out of sight. He zipped between me and another car on the dotted, yellow line. At one of the red lights he actually rode on the shoulder and then pulled to the front of the line and waited in the crosswalk for the crossing light to turn red. He took off before his light turned green, cutting off the cars with a green left arrow and then drove off up a hill and right under a digital sign that said "Look out for motorcycles."

And now I want to know where the digital sign is that says, "Motorcycles are subject to traffic laws." And the bright bumper sticker with a silhouette of a bike on it that says, "I see you when you drive safely."