I'm A Little Muddled Then...

So I could use a little help here.  Not being in possession of a flat backside (ever, not even when I was young and cute) I am having trouble figuring them out.  Their consistency, I mean.

How is it that a young, skinny woman in fairly snug jeans has a wiggly bumper?  I don't mean a sway in her swagger.  I mean like she doesn't have a pelvis and her internals are gelatinous.

By the way, Skinny Young Woman at Target today, I swear I am not a crazy person.  I am sorry that you felt threatened enough to keep looking at me over your shoulder.  I did back off when you looped that aisle twice and headed straight for the Security Guard.  I got the message.  

Let me explain myself.  Imagine that, regardless of everything you have ever been told, someone just offered you proof that 2+2=5.  I do not know how you would handle it, but I would go over to the produce section, grab 2 red apples and then 2 green apples and then count them together over and over.  And even if they did, as the wise stranger had told me, add up to 5 I would not believe it until I had counted to 5 so many times that the number 4 no longer existed in my head.

So, you see, your ass was like this for me today.  Skinny+Young+Tight Jeans CANNOT POSSIBLY = Floppy Flesh.  And yet here was the proof that it COULD, in fact.  Your tummy was flat and your waist narrow.  You did not have a newborn in tow.  The rest of your skeletal system appeared to made of calcium-strengthened bones.  Just not your hips.  

And again, sorry about freaking you out.  I can only hope the average-seeming contents of my cart and my friendly smile offset the puzzled expression knit across my brow.  Please consider that your paranoia about people following you might be real after all.  And the good news is that it is something you could solve with a long, looser tunic top or maybe a hoody tied around your waist.   I saw a cute one in Juniors with a nice, random pattern on it to further mask your figure flaw and play up your more positive assets (the tiny waist, the youthful skin etc...).

And at $12.95, it is a lot cheaper than a therapist.

(Hey!  A prize to the first person to correctly tell me what movie my title is from and whose line it is.  But since I am a very small-time blogger who generates zero revenue I am not sure what I will come up with.  Something inexpensive but unique and heartfelt.  Possibly even edible.)