Dear Cygnets,
I (the mother/researcher) will give you some directions. You (the children/subjects) will follow them. In order to make this work I promise the following:
1. I will not make up stupid crap for you to do just to waste time.
2. You can trust that if I am asking you to do something it is because there is a good reason to do so.
Please humor me and assume there is purpose behind these seemingly tedious things. Some of which may include but are not limited to: so you are not the stinky kid in class, so your teeth don't rot in your head, so you do not grow up accepting savagery as the norm, and because a group of beings living in a social structure must have some agreed upon rules and organization in order to survive. By organization, I mean that I am the ALPHA of this little pack. And by rules I mean the ones I make. They are reasonable, even! I can no longer tolerate the constant negotiating of every thing I ask. There will be consequences for non-compliance. Some natural (like the extra tartar scraping at the dentist that you hate) and some imposed (like me bringing your toothbrush with to school and making you brush them there).
Love, The Mama
P.S. It has crossed my mind that if we were of a certain religious persuasion, I could pull an Auntie H on you and say "Jesus wants you to brush your teeth and if you don't you'll burn in hell." How simple that would make my mornings if you only believed that the state of your everlasting soul is dependent on your dental hygiene.
1 comment:
Hey there, Alpha! I have a solution: I've invented "The Committee," a shadowy arm of the government, which works in conjunction with Santa. The Committee is always interested in phone calls from mothers regarding the hygeine and politeness of children. It goes on Their Permanent Record.
Finally, a government department that I can really get behind.
Post a Comment