The Basics

When they start to fuss tell them you read The Book.  The one they give us (wink! wink!) when we have kids.  The one that tells us how to be good parents.  And the book said that once the child starts to whine, there is no chance they can have what it was they were fussing for.  It undermines the whole system if we cave!  Once they start the fussing, they get the opposite of what they desire.  

Crying to stay up later?  Oops.  That means to bed right now and early tomorrow too.

Whining at the store for a toy?  What?  I can't hear you because the noise you just made damaged my ears for the next 90 seconds.  Walk on.

Kicking the cabinets because you want cookies for breakfast?  Oops.  Now you have to sit and watch me eat the cookie while you have oatmeal.

Crossing your arms in a huff and refusing to get ready to go because you don't want to stop playing legos to go to practice?  Oops.  Good luck finding those legos when you get home from practice.

And, yes, I am a hard ass but I am not hard hearted.  Along with teaching my kids what is unacceptable I give them tools for getting what they need.

Yes you can show me the toys you like at the store and tell me what you like about them.  It makes it easier to remember them when I want to buy you something!

Yes you can tell your sibling you would like a turn when they are done and I promise that you will be able to control your own turn.

Yes you can explain to me why this meal is not your favorite and suggest changes to the recipe for next time as you eat it anyway.

Yes you can tell me how my comment about that outfit made you feel.

There is a goal to parenting, and having a well-behaved, compassionate child is just the beginning.  What kind of adult are you raising?

This is what I want for my children.  I want them to think for themselves.  I want them to work hard at school so no option in life is denied them.  I want them to have the tools to function peaceably in this world.  I want them to speak up for themselves when they think they are being treated unfairly.  I want them to speak up for others who can't.  I want them to understand people have a choice in how they respond to others and while we do have an impact on those around us, we are not responsible for someone else's happiness.  I want them to identify their contribution to the problems they face as well as recognizing their role in improving the situation.  Whining and fussing do not accomplish these things.  I would be doing my children a disservice if I let them add those behaviors to their tool box.

We have distilled all of the rules around here into three simple ones:

Respect yourself.

Respect others.

Respect your surroundings.