perpetual motion?

The cygnets' lunch conversation today was about the Physics of Newton's Balls. After returning from my mad dash to the bathroom I corrected them. Conversation progressed concerning Newton's Cradle...but not until after cleaning up from one kid shooting water out of a nose, another spitting a mouthful of Boca nuggets, and the third making his own mad dash to the bathroom.

Rivals: a one-act play

I am sure I have mentioned Big C's introverted nature before. And the clever among you have certainly picked up on Little C's more...outgoing personality. Well, no surprise then when I tell you there have been some conflicts lately. They usually start when the Big One needs some space to regroup. Which feels like rejection and isolation to the Little One. Who then clings like a starved tick while the object of his attention runs to his room, slams the door and yells something like, "I NEED SOME PERSONAL SPACE!"

How do I handle this? Usually I remind Little C that his brother regulates by himself in a quiet environment, then I distract the bugger or pass him off to Miss M. As time allows. But sometimes I go into the whole psychological rigamarole. All it usually does is diffuse the immediate situation. All I hope for is that the concepts stick somewhere in their big brains and thinking about their own motivations comes into regular play somewhere down the road.

But this morning I seem to have solved the problem for good! Read on...

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(whining, growling, slapping sounds from off stage followed by the ubiquitous...)

Chorus: Mahahahahammmm!

Curtain Rises.

(The stage is simply set with a desk, chair, and a laptop computer. The mother is sitting at her writing desk, the boys enter in a hurry, each trying to elbow past the other, both start talking at once...the smaller boy also dramatically pantomimes his brother's recent offense by hitting himself)

Big C: (hitting his brother) I did NOT hit you that many times!

Little C: I counted! It was 7, now it's 8! Mahahahammm!

Big C: HE was reading over my shoulder and telling me not to turn the page! (he cannot imagine a worse crime at 8:54 am)

(The mother hits SAVE and turns to her boys. She gently pulls one to her right side and one to her left and then launches into her monologue.)

Mother: (turns to the smaller boy) Little C, you know that your brother needs space and time to himself in order to pull himself together and be comfortable on the inside. You are different that way. But when your brother feels you hovering over him he feels stress. Did he ask you to back off a few times before he pushed you away? (small boy sheepishly nods) And did you respond by leaning in further? (small boy nods again, his eyes bigger) Then why are you surprised that Big C's response escalated as well? (small boy's face changes to guilty as his neck shortens and he shrinks a bit)

(turning to the bigger boy) And YOU know that your brother feels that same kind of distress you do when you push him away from you. He needs attention and contact with people in order to regulate himself. Especially in the morning. We all know this about him. Have we talked about kinder ways to let him know you need space? (the boy nods) Did you mean to tell him that hitting you is an appropriate response when he is stressed? (shakes his head no) Do you recognize that you did, though? (no response) That when you hit him you are, in fact, giving him permission to hit you? (after a pause to consider, he nods again)

(to both boys) So this is how you two are going to solve this problem. You are going to tell each other what happened in the living room in a way that shows you understand where YOU made a mistake. Because you both made some mistakes this morning. Then you are going to think of a solution that will help you both in these types of situations in the future. When you have that figured out, you come and present the plan to me, I'll type it up and you can both have a copy. Agreed?

Bic C: (to his mother) But, I don't see how we can both get what we want when what we want are opposites?

Mother: That is something you will have to talk to your brother about. You both might have to bend a little bit to make this work. Now go. Go off somewhere and figure it out.

(Little C reaches for Big C's hand [seriously. I am not making this shit up.] and the boys walk off stage together. Drifting back to the mother are their sweet, young voices saying words like: "stupid," "she's wrong," and "we'll show her." The mother smiles and goes back to her work, confident her work is done.)

Curtain Closes.

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Yes, friends, that was just Chapter 3, section 4 in the Group Dynamics text book. Cross referenced with Chapter 12 in the Guide to Social Psychology. One highly effective tool for helping opposing groups reach resolution is to help them find a common goal. NO, I don't mean the little assignment I gave them. I meant me. The Common Enemy. The Obstacle They Must Unite Against In Order To Defeat.

Worth the Audible Laugh

Alice Bundles

You don't even have to announce it to anyone if you do. But you can. I am. Because Alice is a good person who makes me feel pretty sane.

Please Accept This Submission...

...for WORST NAME EVER!!

Colin Wormor.

Is it too much to hope for that his middle name is David? Probably.

The Evolution of "lol"

Taking a look at "lol" is like an etymological study in fast forward. I mean, it probably took a couple of generations at least for the Canadian "eh" to settle in to its current status. Not so with "lol." This abbreviation/short hand notation has gone from a way to save money on the per-character cost of texting to actually being pronounced. That's right. I've heard it two different ways:

There's "lawl" which sounds decidedly lower class next to the French-sounding option of "ellowell."

I find it hard to believe there is that much laughing out loud in reality. But I have been keeping my eyes and ears open the past few weeks to try and decipher the colloquial usage of the term. It is still being added to, but here is my partial list:

1. When offered in response to someone else's wit, it most often means "I am laughing out loud on the inside." (Oxymoron.)

2. When used to tag your own comment (easily 85% of the cases) it can mean many things;

--I think I am funny.

--I think I am clever.

--Don't you think I am funny?

--Don't you think I am clever?

--You should.

--Because I am.

(Please note, the actual funniness or cleverness of the comment is irrelevant. Conservatively, 94% of the comments it tags are neither funny nor clever.)

3. A passive-aggressive safe word. As in, "I am going to insult you now. I can't help it. I am a bitch/douche bag. But I don't want anyone else to think I am a bitch/douche bag so I will laugh out loud when I write this on your social network page. That way, the people reading it will all laugh out loud on the inside as well. But they will still be thinking about what I said about you. Only, with the laughing part, the rudeness of my remark will roll away from me and stick to you instead. Like digital cooties."

Please feel free to add to the list by leaving a comment!

OOOhh! Didn't see this one coming!

Jeremy might actually be the EVIL TWIN after all! I am going to have to rework Season 3.

The plot thickens

Guess What!!!? Jeremy London has a TWIN! My guess is, an EVIL twin. And the evil twin has always been jealous of his brother's "success" and staged the whole thing! The good twin is being held somewhere, not dead, because there are limits even to the Evil Twin's wickedness. The drugging and the trauma and subsequent prescription pills will be the cover story for the small changes everyone will notice in him now that he is home again. Only...the thing is... The good twin will struggle and finally escape! What a cliff hanger for the end of Season 1! Season 2 will open with fresh drama, though. He will...oh you know it...LOSE HIS MEMORY during the escape! He will be found by a young, though worn woman. Turns out she is hiding from an abusive husband and trying to get her son back. Slowly...his memories return as they work together to save her son and make plan to run away to South America. Only, all of the memories are from CHARACTERS he has played and not his real life!! Meanwhile, the evil twin is spending all of his brother's money. The wife is turning to alcohol to self-medicate her depression because she feels guilty for not loving her "husband" anymore. Something is off. And the kids are angry and don't know why. But the dog knows, dammit! The dog always knows.

Season 2 will end with the wife, in a drunken stupor, visits the set where they met (she was the make-up artist on an episode of 7th Heaven that he was on in 2004). Just as she is passing out, she will see HIM! He is trying to re-experience things from his memory. But he won't recognize her. She will wake up at home...someone called home on her cell phone for help but was gone when the evil twin arrived to pick her up. And the kid, the kid is INSISTING it was his DADDY on the phone!

stay tuned....