Rivals: a one-act play

I am sure I have mentioned Big C's introverted nature before. And the clever among you have certainly picked up on Little C's more...outgoing personality. Well, no surprise then when I tell you there have been some conflicts lately. They usually start when the Big One needs some space to regroup. Which feels like rejection and isolation to the Little One. Who then clings like a starved tick while the object of his attention runs to his room, slams the door and yells something like, "I NEED SOME PERSONAL SPACE!"

How do I handle this? Usually I remind Little C that his brother regulates by himself in a quiet environment, then I distract the bugger or pass him off to Miss M. As time allows. But sometimes I go into the whole psychological rigamarole. All it usually does is diffuse the immediate situation. All I hope for is that the concepts stick somewhere in their big brains and thinking about their own motivations comes into regular play somewhere down the road.

But this morning I seem to have solved the problem for good! Read on...

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(whining, growling, slapping sounds from off stage followed by the ubiquitous...)

Chorus: Mahahahahammmm!

Curtain Rises.

(The stage is simply set with a desk, chair, and a laptop computer. The mother is sitting at her writing desk, the boys enter in a hurry, each trying to elbow past the other, both start talking at once...the smaller boy also dramatically pantomimes his brother's recent offense by hitting himself)

Big C: (hitting his brother) I did NOT hit you that many times!

Little C: I counted! It was 7, now it's 8! Mahahahammm!

Big C: HE was reading over my shoulder and telling me not to turn the page! (he cannot imagine a worse crime at 8:54 am)

(The mother hits SAVE and turns to her boys. She gently pulls one to her right side and one to her left and then launches into her monologue.)

Mother: (turns to the smaller boy) Little C, you know that your brother needs space and time to himself in order to pull himself together and be comfortable on the inside. You are different that way. But when your brother feels you hovering over him he feels stress. Did he ask you to back off a few times before he pushed you away? (small boy sheepishly nods) And did you respond by leaning in further? (small boy nods again, his eyes bigger) Then why are you surprised that Big C's response escalated as well? (small boy's face changes to guilty as his neck shortens and he shrinks a bit)

(turning to the bigger boy) And YOU know that your brother feels that same kind of distress you do when you push him away from you. He needs attention and contact with people in order to regulate himself. Especially in the morning. We all know this about him. Have we talked about kinder ways to let him know you need space? (the boy nods) Did you mean to tell him that hitting you is an appropriate response when he is stressed? (shakes his head no) Do you recognize that you did, though? (no response) That when you hit him you are, in fact, giving him permission to hit you? (after a pause to consider, he nods again)

(to both boys) So this is how you two are going to solve this problem. You are going to tell each other what happened in the living room in a way that shows you understand where YOU made a mistake. Because you both made some mistakes this morning. Then you are going to think of a solution that will help you both in these types of situations in the future. When you have that figured out, you come and present the plan to me, I'll type it up and you can both have a copy. Agreed?

Bic C: (to his mother) But, I don't see how we can both get what we want when what we want are opposites?

Mother: That is something you will have to talk to your brother about. You both might have to bend a little bit to make this work. Now go. Go off somewhere and figure it out.

(Little C reaches for Big C's hand [seriously. I am not making this shit up.] and the boys walk off stage together. Drifting back to the mother are their sweet, young voices saying words like: "stupid," "she's wrong," and "we'll show her." The mother smiles and goes back to her work, confident her work is done.)

Curtain Closes.

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Yes, friends, that was just Chapter 3, section 4 in the Group Dynamics text book. Cross referenced with Chapter 12 in the Guide to Social Psychology. One highly effective tool for helping opposing groups reach resolution is to help them find a common goal. NO, I don't mean the little assignment I gave them. I meant me. The Common Enemy. The Obstacle They Must Unite Against In Order To Defeat.