if only...

Does this ever happen to you?  A situation presents itself, you have an opportunity to respond, and you do so appropriately.  Of course it does.  

But do you ever step away from the situation and think of things you wish you had the nerve to say?  Of course you do.  

This afternoon my doorbell rang twice in a row.  Standing outside was a nice looking but chilly young man handing out flyers for tree trimming services.

He says: We are in your neighborhood today and I see you have a stump.

I say: Yes. My kids play on it.

He says: Do you have any trees you would like us to look at.

I say: No thank you.  Have a nice day.

He says: Thanks.

So now I am thinking about things I could have said instead.

Comment A

He says: ...I see you have a stump.

I say:

...(feigned surprise) I have a what?  Where?  What the heck happened to my tree?!

...(I pull one arm inside my sleeve) EXCUSE ME?!

...Yes, but he is at the office right now.

Comment B

He says: Do you have any trees you would like us to look at?

I say:

...The trees are fine, but I think something is wrong with my doorbell, it just rang twice.

...No, but the bean grinder is stuck in my coffee maker.  Can you fix it?

...Sure.  You can look at my Magnolia and my American Butternut.  Just don't touch them.