What are big brothers for?

[Advice overheard and reported by Miss M]

Big C (13): "So, Little C (9), boobs are a chronic disorder.  They make one irritable, irrational, and insane.  Don't worry, though.  If you were going to get them you'd have shown some clinical signs by now."

Enough to make me Tweet

Justin Timberlake's Suit and Tie is a great song.  But I just want to make sure Luther Vandross gets some posthumous credit for writing half of it.  Is there some place you send reports of plagiarism?  Twitter?  Thanks.

Dear Children,

I think you know who is to blame for the glitter and Play-doh clay in your ravioli and it isn't me.  Please return my kitchen scissors and I will return yours to your craft box.  Washed, by the way.

-Mama

Little C: (not said without tears) "It is just so difficult to go to bed at this time when I am perfectly aware that Big C and Miss M are still awake."

Mama: "I know, doll.  But think of it this way...they are older and have had many more nights of early bedtimes than you have.  Stay in bed.  Good night.  I love you."

As I walked down the hall I heard his voice in the darkness: "Yah, but PERCENTAGE!!"

an Open Letter to Derek Landy

Dear Mr. Landy,

I need to thank you.  Thank you for writing strong, intelligent, fierce, learning-as-they-go female characters.  Thank you for their mistakes as much as their glory, their losses next to their victories.  Thank you for throwing unbeatable obstacles in their way.  You know why?  Because this is exactly what the world throws at people every day.  And, for some reason, adolescent females get hit pretty hard.  So thank you for throwing in some do-or-die friends in as well.  Not perfect friends.  But the best kind.  The ones that tell you what you need to hear and love you more because of your flaws.  And when you show them that the world will pick up and move on and so must you...you give them a gift.  You are a Class Act Feminist, you are.  And around here we love you for it.

Oh...

...and we especially adore you for inspiring our daughter to rock a Valkyrie Cain vibe for her High School Homecoming dance.

She did not have to kick any ass but she could have.  She had the boots for it.

Much love and many thanks,

-Alpha

Do the rest f you know Derek Landy's Skullduggery Pleasant books?  If you reside on the westerly side of the Atlantic I would not be surprised.  But it would be worth your while to get your hands on a set.  
http://www.skulduggerypleasant.co.uk/

Pop Quiz:

Bit of a puzzle this one.  How many wrong things can you identify in the following:


I am wearing pink.  Going to a High School football game where everyone will be wearing pink.  Including my children.  Thousands of people in pink.

(Hint: I count 5...but more are sure to arise before halftime.)

Dear Tequila,

I could not feel worse about what I have done to you.  The salt.  The watermelon.  The ginger.  Could have worked out, you know?  I still believe it.  But then I went and dumped that San Pellegrino in there just to give it a little sparkle.  (For the photo op if I am honest with myself.)  And, sadly, all I taste is something that smells like the hair of an unwashed, sweaty 8 year old boy.  The color...kinda the torn, pinky edge of a zombie bite with those fleshy-looking melon bits floating in there.  No good.  No good for anyone.  Not even the zombies.

I wish I was shallow enough to blame it on Pinterest.  A pretty picture of a sweating Mason Jar in the sun has moved me to try other odd concoctions.  (Yes.  Gin is the lucky one.  She got rosemary and tonic and it was divine.  Yes, yes prosecco and the lemon sorbet too.)  But this one was all me.  Me and my desire to reinvent a thing that should not have been altered.  You were perfect the way you were.

What I am trying to say is...sorry.  Truly.  I'll stick to Mod Podge and glitter next time I get the urge to get creative.  Maybe the glue gun.  The taste of you straight from the bottle with a little lime and salt, the occasional Margarita, that will be enough for me from now on.  I promise.

Oh, and can I ask you one more thing?  Do you have the number for Vodka?  (I hear she'll mix with anything.)

-Mama