I don't know if I have done a very good job of letting you all know what an incredible kid Big C is. He tends to be a little quieter. More low key. There are days where he is on the verge of stodgy, almost. But every time I really look at him I am blown away by what a good person he is.
When Big C was 5 we were all at a playground in another part of town. We knew no one else there. And it took him about 3 minutes to round up a group of older boys and organize them all in an imaginary game of pirates. These big 10 year olds were calling him Captain, and happy to follow any orders he barked at them.
This is my boy who collects neck ties as vacation souvenirs. The one who asked for a Navy Blue Blazer for Christmas last year. He tucks in his shirt, wears a belt, likes to dress nicely, and wears his hair above his ears. He loves wool socks. Did I mention he is turning 9 next month? Not 49. 09. I guess that is how you buck the system around here.
He has read The Complete Far Side and has one right on the tip of his tongue to fit every circumstance. He is completely intrigued by Calvin and Hobbs and laughs until he can't breathe, but then will tell me that while he thinks it is funny that Calvin would hold up a sign in the car window saying "help I am being kidnapped" he also knows that the consequences of such behavior would be very bad. He is the one who always "beeps" over the cussing in any music playing. He is a vegetarian because he does not think animals should be food. And he very gently picks up any bug in the house and lets it go outside.
He and I went away this past weekend. Mama and the boy took a road trip to visit friends. We were driving at night and saw a farm on fire. The house, the barn, everything. The fire trucks were still racing to the scene and the flames were shooting 70 feet in the air. The low, winter clouds above were blood red. It was dramatic and scary. He started to cry and was asking if the animals could let themselves out of the barn and hoping no people or pets were hurt. It was a 4 hour drive each way and we spent part of it analyzing the lyrics to some They Might Be Giants songs. He liked "Someone Keeps Moving my Chair" and "Your Racist Friend." He asks some very big questions.
Big C was jumping on the mini trampoline last night because it was too cold to play outside. He was not exactly jumping, it was more of a Flash Dance jogging in place sort of thing. And this is what he says: "I am (huff) trying to get my heart rate (puff) up. (Inhale.) Because I am one of the (heeefff) shorter kids in my class (whoooooof) I thought I would make up for it (haaaaaah) with speed." And that is how he handles most of his challenges.
Big C has an autoimmune disorder. Thankfully, he has only had two major episodes, but the one a year ago was pretty serious. He was taking huge doses of Prednisone, which helped almost instantly, but had some obvious side effects. One was that he suddenly put on 20 pounds. Now I will probably do that over Christmas, but since he only weighed 40 to begin with, it was quite dramatic. He also had the classic Prednisone moon face. And his eye brows grew up while his hair line came down to meet them.
When a younger neighbor boy saw him he said, "What is wrong with your face?"
Big C smiled and said, "Nothing. I am taking some medicine that helps me feel better but made my face change."
The boy said, "Well I want your face the way it was!"
And Big C patted him on the back and told him not to worry. That when he was done with the medicine his face would be back to normal. There he was struggling with real, physical pain and he was comforting someone else.
At the end of every school day he gives me a hug and a kiss in front of his classmates. I have been told those days are short lived, but I am not so sure. He hugs his sister AND his brother too. The three of them stand in a little knot, like wolf cubs that had wandered apart, and sniff their happy little greetings in the school lobby. In fact, they all sleep in the same queen sized bed while three twin beds stand empty. The other day in the back of the van he said, "Even if we weren't siblings we would all be best friends!" All together now: Awww!
Big C is so strong in many ways that when he is vulnerable it brings out the mama bear in me like nothing else. He has an appointment with the specialist tomorrow. We both know they will need to draw some blood. And it doesn't matter that he can be very logical about it before we get there. He will tell me when it is over that it really did not hurt. But that does not stop him from having a full-blown panic attack while we are there. This tiny, gentle boy has pulled an acrylic pocket right out of their wall, screws, anchors, and chunks of drywall. He has flexed so tightly when the needle was in that he has blown out the vein in one arm, and then the other. No bribe, no treat, no amount of holding and soothing will calm him down.
When it is over, we will both be sitting in the chair hugging and wiping away our tears. And then we will go enjoy some vegetarian pad thai and waste half the day together because I am happy for any excuse to keep him close to me.
"And while you're at it, keep the nightlight on
inside the birdhouse in your soul."
-Birdhouse In Your Soul, They Might Be Giants
...but not because of the scarf. Because I wore a dark sweater and hat in front of cherry cabinets.
