Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I am going to be in trouble


SO my baby lost his two front teeth yesterday.  The toppers.  He has lost three on the bottom already.  When those fell out the new, giant, serrated mothers popped up very quickly.  It was strange.  Plus I felt robbed of the gap.  I LOVE THE GAP!  My camera was dead yesterday but I promise to add a picture of it after school today.  (This pic was snapped by the brilliant wendyb on the sidewalk outside of school one day.  She is smart, funny, and incredibly talented.  Her blog is on my list.  You should peek.)

Miss M had months worth of gap.  But she was an aggressive wiggler.  She has manipulated out teeth that really should not have come out yet.  And even though her teeth have grown in she still has a habit of only biting and chewing with her molars.  Well, what else could she do when she spent all of first grade with all 8 front teeth missing?

Big C never wiggles a tooth.  He just chews to one side and ignores it until he spits it out one day brushing the teeth around it.  Teeth so loose they fall out when he drools.  With the first couple he lost, he would press them into the gums instead of wiggling them.

These two teeth of Little C's were just hanging crookedly, flapping like wind chimes when he spoke.  They were more fun that way so he was in no hurry to get them out.  The first one fell out yesterday morning at home so I sent him to school looking like he lost a fight: his blonde mop was hanging in his face, his cheeks were red with wind burn, his chapped lips were crusty and split, he was missing one tooth, and the remainder was dangling by a thread.  Not his best look, but it would seem 5 year old girls have different standards than the mama.  It must be those blue eyes.  When people ask me where he got them I say, "Paul Newman, but don't tell my husband."  

The second tooth fell out at recess.  He was just wiggling it, you know, to impress the ladies.  But it is cold here and he was wearing mittens.  And the tooth fell into the snow.  As luck would have it, it landed bloody hole up so he spotted it.  He put it in his mitten for safe keeping.  When the whistle blew he was walking in and happened to pass Miss M and company on their way out to recess.  All of the fifth grade girls gave him a congratulatory hug (which also seems to impress the kindergarten girls) and he gave Miss M charge of the tooth.  

Now the tooth was in her mitten while she ran around and dug in the snow.  When she got back inside she ignored the safety of her locker, backpack, and pockets.  There were too many possibilities for loss or theft in those locations.  So she wrapped it in kleenex and put it in her sock.  Not tall socks, mind you, but low anklets.  She stuffed it in the arch.  And the tooth stayed there through the rest of the day, including gym class.    

The tooth fairy tucked a crispy $2 bill under his pillow as a rare treat for losing two teeth in one day and saving her a trip.  And, as I have signed up for the tooth-buy-back-program, I have purchased the pair of choppers for my collection.  (I will fill you in on our tooth fairy lore sometime.)

But the funny effect of his classroom celebrity yesterday (loosing a tooth is a BIG deal) was some lingering appeal with the ladies.  Moose took the kids to school this morning, and the report is this: there was a little bundle of girls waiting for Little C inside the front door.  They giggled and cooed their hellos at him.  He gave them a casual side-nod and half a smile--a maneuver any high school boy would have to practice in the mirror for hours comes naturally to Little C.  Moose walks him to his locker and continues on to talk to Miss M's teacher.  When he comes back, little C is almost done putting his shoes on and there is one little girl, leaning on the desk in the hallway and making doe eyes at him (picture that scene from Bambi).  This is how it plays out:

Girl:  (in a sing-song way)  C, I know how to spell your name.  [She spells it slowly, lingering on the vowels]

Little C: [stands, picks up his folder with an air of nonchalance]

Moose:  C, do you know how to spell her name?  [Asking only so he could tell the mama which little girl was doing the flirting.]

Little C:  [Gives his dad a look to indicate that he is now quite certain that his dad is, in fact, an utter moron and would do well to stay out of it.  He knows how to handle this.  He went to preschool.]

Then the boy, with an air of Cool Hand Luke about him, breezes past them both and into the classroom.  The pig-tailed doll spins and follows.

It is getting harder to hide the evidence of my whole Paul Newman episode.  But don't tell Moose. 


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Come on!

I do not like professional sports.  I do not follow any of them.  I am simply not an affiliate.  You will never see a jersey on me or the people I buy clothes for.  I do not need to find masses of people to agree with me on any topic in order to feel like I belong or my opinion is valid.  Not a team choice, not a direct marketing scam, not anything.  The larger the number of people of that are into something the less I tend to like it.  I am neither a fan nor a fanatic.

I am not claiming to be some anti-TV-activist.  I can consume with the best of them.  I just prefer to chose things that have a relevance in my own life.  (Like House.  That medical information could save my life some day!  And maybe yours too if you are with me and you suddenly experience a spontaneous tension pneumothorax.  I would feel confident stabbing a needle between your ribs to siphon off the air pocket in your pleural space.)  

I will occasionally enjoy part of a game of whatever is on.  I actually like sports.  I just really dislike the whole biz surrounding professional sports.

Which is why I don't know why I clicked on the news this morning about the NHL declaring its outrage and coming to the defense over some actress' reputation.  Maybe it was the irony in the NHL displaying indignation over anything, especially over how one of their players talked badly about an ex-girlfriend.

From what I can surmise, Sean Avery is a jerk and has been for years.  But there were a dozen reasons to suspend the icehole before this.  So what changed?  Don't try to sell me the PR spin about damaging the reputation of a young lady.  She is currently dating her third pro-hockey player and regularly poses like a seasoned porn star.  She is clearly not interested in "nice guys".      

What he looks like is a petulant brat.  The kind of guy who will talk smack because his own shallow self-worth is tied up in beating other people.  And even if she is an ex, he can't handle the mere thought that the public might think she chose someone else over him.  He looks like the kind of person who has no tools to feel good about himself without putting someone else down.  

Pro athletes are, just as the rest of us, products of their environment.  The icehole makes money for someone.  His behavior has been tolerated because he sells tickets and jerseys.  The only reason they are coming down on him now is that they fear his new comments will damage their own bottom line.  

When will we ever learn that it is a rare exception that is actually worth half the attention they receive?  Pro sports is not a deep pool of role models, folks.  But even I can see that there is something appealing in the stories of the few good guys out there.  The players who stay grounded, treat their wives with respect, build up those around them, and use their platform to improve things.  But they should have to earn the adoration.  Smacking people instead of the puck takes you off the list.  And occasionally, it would appear, off the ice.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Schemers and Savages

My sweet, darling children have this to say to Land's End:

You accept any return or exchange for any reason.  You also sell tins of cookies this time of year.  (Do you see where this is going?)

I think the words "exploit the giant loop hole" were said.  Also "we could take advantage of them for free cookies."  

(Miss M has clearly abandoned all Socialist leanings.  She is a microcosm of economic theory in fast forward.)

The plan is this: buy the cookies, eat the cookies, return the empty tin for a full one.  Repeat.  Land's End, consider yourself warned.

So I lied.


Wouldn't be the first time.  Certainly not the last.  You see, I tried these on.  I am woman enough to admit the mistake of not having bought them and kept them for myself for ever and ever amen.  I lied to myself.  I lied to the shoe.  They were a perfect fit.  Made me walk a little taller even.  Should have bought them right then and there.  

What did I take home that day instead you might wonder.  Cute yellow wedge sandals from JCrew.  Also nice.  But now that winter is here I can't slip them on over pointelle knit tights.  But of course these J-41 wedges would not have gone with the white summer dress and yellow cardigan.  

I am going to throw a pretty poorly sourced quote at you.  It comes from the author, Janet Fitch, talking about something her former therapist had said to her:  

"I know it feels like you have all these options and when you make a decision you are losing a world of possibilities.  But the reality is, until you make a decision, you have nothing at all."

So at least I am not barefoot, right?  Or is she telling me to get the J-41 shoes as well and keep my options open?  

Just one more shoe

Look at the inverted bottle taper on this heel.  Brilliant and beautiful.  The color is Mermaid.   And with the whole Nike+Cole Haan=Comfy thing they have going on...good thing they come in patent.  The drool wipes right off.

Monday, December 1, 2008

shoeshoeshoeshoeshoes...yes!

Sorry.  No photo.  But after this description you won't even want one.  You couldn't handle the picture anyway.  Thank you to my friend Miss Regina for calling this what it is--Hot Shoe Porn! 

Cole Haan red patent leather peep toe mary jane sling back kitten heels

Was it good for you?

Hello, Mall...

...remember me?  You have changed a bit since I have seen you last.  It has been two long months.  I know.  My bad.  You have always been there...waiting...anticipating.  Hope it was worth the wait.  My credit card thinks it was.

I know it was just a quickie.  I promise to stay longer next time.  Especially since you showed me a couple of new tricks.  It was quick but it worked for me.  Thanks for keeping it fresh.

I love the new soap at LUSH called The Godmother.  Thanks to the ladies working (they hire the nicest people) for the funny chat and the sample.  We spent quite some time trying to pinpoint the smell.  Yes, it is soap.  Yes, I want to lick it.  And after trying to identify it (not Jello, not Kool Aid) I figured it out.  Twizzler.  But not Twizzler in the bag.  Twizzler whiff in the car on a road trip.  Twizzler breath.  Warm Twizzlers in the sun on the dashboard.  

J. Jill, thank you for offering your Cyber Monday 25% off on EVERYTHING in the store just as you have online today.  Very thoughtful of you.  I know I tried on lots of things, left a huge but tidy pile in the dressing room, and eventually bought nothing.  But you had 5 women working with nothing else to do.  I am worried about you.  Have you lost your shoppers?

Mr. Bauer, can I call you Ed?  Why no corduroy skirts?  They are in the catalog...the website...but not the store.  Is this an oversight or was the supply depleted by the busy shopping weekend?  Since you still have 3,176 puffy jackets still in the store I am thinking oversight.

And Crocs!  You are so crazy innovative with the footwear.  Now you have furry lined mary jane ballet flats.  Miss M will be wanting them.  Maybe the Mama too.
  
H&M: can a 36 year old mother of three get away with the ballet pink tiered ruffle mini skirt?  Did I mention she is short and round?  Maybe the black one then.