Dear Children,

I think you know who is to blame for the glitter and Play-doh clay in your ravioli and it isn't me.  Please return my kitchen scissors and I will return yours to your craft box.  Washed, by the way.

-Mama

Little C: (not said without tears) "It is just so difficult to go to bed at this time when I am perfectly aware that Big C and Miss M are still awake."

Mama: "I know, doll.  But think of it this way...they are older and have had many more nights of early bedtimes than you have.  Stay in bed.  Good night.  I love you."

As I walked down the hall I heard his voice in the darkness: "Yah, but PERCENTAGE!!"